go home lambs

new art

2012-01-24T12:22:00.001-08:00

here are some new drawings i've been working on. thank you ben from epson scan for helping me troubleshoot for twenty minutes over the phone. the most fun so far is the drawing ink.

winsor and newton ink on paper, sourced from a pictorial archive of men

self portrait

matt

light study, graphite on paper

self portrait as a silent movie star in a wig

snails

2012-01-20T14:50:00.000-08:00

where did you put the rock
we took from the grove park inn
you were disgusted with the snails
and things that had attached to it
you put it in the trunk of the car
for the way home in the dark
where they belonged

now i want to put it in my garden
next to the antlers sticking up out of the ground
but i'm not sure where it is
and i feel a sad wanting for you today
just because i know there was a day in the past
where i didn't think you would ever see me
and boy was i wrong

i just want to find that mountain rock
so i can throw it at my past self
and say "it's okay, keep writing your sad poems, love will realize you"
and then put it in my garden
and go inside
and listen to you talk about the things you care about

my birthday is in five days

2012-01-20T14:46:00.001-08:00

today was the kind of day where i felt motivated but not creative. that is not an easy or fun day. i tried doing various creative things today and wasn't happy with them, so i resorted to eating almonds and reading raymond carver stories with a lavender scented bean bag for a pillow, which made me feel a little better.

does reading raymond carver make me a hipster? wrong. it's the lavender scented pillow or the fact that i even mentioned it. or it could be the almonds.

when someone you love is having a bad day you can't help but feel a little bad too.

still sitting on my ass waiting for poems to happen.

jillian

send me your chapbooks

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

i'm in the process of putting together a poetry workshop for residents of a local homeless shelter and members of its prayer service

you can help in a few ways:

1. send me your chapbook as an example to my students (email joyfuljillian@gmail.com for details)

2. give me any advice on chapbook-making or poetry-teaching

thanks erryone

edit / i talk about trichotillomania + amino acids

stealing trees

2011-12-31T08:28:00.000-08:00

this picture is funny to me because it's my silhouette, when i was sixteen and had pulled all my bangs out but no one said anything about it, and in the background you see that little tree? those are glass collectable trees, and every year my mom and nana steal them from each other, like a little game, only this year my mom got mad because nana took two and didn't bring them back

the neutral milk hotel box set is a good thing right now
i sat in the sitting room, at the coat rack that has a mirror attached
and i drew a picture of a tired face
i didn't feel like shading in my hair so i left it white because i'd rather be blonde anyway

i haven't pulled out any of my hair today, so far. drawing helps.

lately i haven't been writing
well, that's not true, i have a new quill pen and calligraphy set
and i'm practicing my cursive and my letters and writing names
but i haven't been writing poems

i do have a short story i've been working on, off and on, about various homeless people i met last year, but it's hard to write something so chock-full of interesting people and the interesting things they say. i might need to water it down somehow. otherwise, it reads like this:

THIS HOMELESS WOMAN WEARING A TURQUOISE NECKLACE WAS DOING SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING, MAYBE ASKING ME TO FIND HER SOME SIZE 2 HIGH WAIST LEVI JEANS OR A NEW PAIR OF MOCCASINS, AND THEN SHE DID THIS OTHER WEIRD INTERESTING THING, LIKE EATING A GLASS SANDWICH

AND THEN ANOTHER AND ANOTHER AND REALLY YOU FORGET BY THE END THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A HOMELESS WOMAN AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

it just kind of loses meaning i guess, so i don't know where to go with it

in all seriousness,
please extend your thoughts to my extended family today. my cousin was hit by a train while in her car. she has three young children and they need her to be well. we all do

update/ i started a fashion blog where i bitch about trends i hate, the importance of styling, staying classy, etc.

2011-11-19T18:28:00.000-08:00

sometimes in life, you learn dragon words
or, in this case, breathe ice
then you clear out the whole dungeon
and go home to your recliner

fine -- what
will do
that it?

sometimes in life you have a large piece of furniture in the middle of the den
like a kitchen table
that doesn't initially serve a purpose
but over time can make a good home for beer bottles and half eaten sugar free cake slices

and as long as the chairs aren't in the way, you're happy with having them around

on a serious note,
i have this problem lately where i have a hard time writing anything but my name
or rather i don't care to write anything except my name, over and over, in cursive
sometimes i'll write 'genevieve' over and over
sometimes 'rose wallace goldaline'
i have wasted lots of paper doing this
but it makes me feel good

when did my blog decide it hates poetry

2011-11-19T18:20:00.001-08:00

let's do some poetry! let's oh my god i'm going into a crypt! let's what are you typing about? let's boo, what are you doing baby? let's sweetheart, why don't you just tell me? let's jillian clark! stop ignoring me!

matthew's about to go into a crypt
and i don't feel scared for him

my friend emma wrote a poem that compared growing a rose to a nose bleed
and i felt great in a crushed way when i read that

today i finished reading "sometimes madness is wisdom"
i don't know why i took so long to read it
i've read their letters over five times through
i hadn't realized that zelda had only been committed to highland hospital for four months when the fire broke out
that made me feel sad but also like maybe it was meant to be that way

matt makes this face when he's playing video games
it doesn't matter what kind of face

today i ate two wholegrain waffles, three mozzarella cheese sticks, four clementines, a salad, corn, a roll, boyscouts caramel corn, and three pieces of cake

i am a horrible vegetarian
twelve years strong

should i type until i feel like i made something worthwhile
no, i might as well stop

life just got a little brighter

2011-11-07T13:28:00.001-08:00

my 20th birthday, january 25th.

jeff mangum, january 30th, UNC's memorial auditorium.

............................................!!!!

2011-10-31T10:18:00.000-07:00

2011-09-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

standing inside of f. scott fitzgerald's room at the grove park inn

today we took a tour of f. scott fitzgerald's rooms at the grove park inn, where he stayed while zelda was in highland hospital. the inn itself has the best view of asheville we've seen so far. tomorrow we're going back for dinner and another tour. is this what old people do on vacation? suits us just fine.

asheville day one

2011-09-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

today i ate real food; i'm so excited i have to type about it. !

a vegan chicken salad sandwich made of tofu in sweet chile sauce, green apples, blueberries, and granola on a sourdough bun. on the side there was spicy avocado soup.

after that we went to the chocolate lounge, i had 'indian' drinking chocolate with rose and cardamom. i drank half my four ounce cup. he couldn't finish his teacup of chocolate pots-de-creme. m is a dear with the greenest eyes!

we went swimming and then back to the chocolate lounge for a 'jitterbug', apparently some nutty coffee-chocolate five-dollar-version-of-a-frappuccino- it was probably worth three and a half, and a headache.

now off to bed
tomorrow shops and downtown
hopefully we'll go to the historic district soon, i'm dying to see the old site (now apartments and offices) of highland hospital and dr. carrols 'castle', homewood

j

gears

2011-09-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

i'm going to ramble a bit about what has been on my mind lately:

INTERIOR DECORATING
STUFF
DECORATING
EXTERIOR
ORIGINAL ATOMIC HARDWARE
BIG CHILL FRIDGE
1963 MID CENTURY MODEST RANCH

i figure since i haven't been writing, i'll do some arts and crafts projects around the house we're moving into..

--post card table-- i need a rectangular coffee table with a glass cut top so i can put postcards (preferably 1908-1919) picture side up and alternate with the message side up. our den has wood paneling (that i refuse to paint -- one day you'll all be crying at your tacky obvious painted-over paneling)! and mine will be beautiful and original to the house..................

--'retablo' paintings.. in little ornate frames, painted with gold leaf. i'd like to do one of zelda fitzgerald and maybe lois moran to be scandalous for good measure. also one of frank o'hara and for sure camille claudel. these will go in the master half bath so there's no need for them to be recognizable to guests.

i'd really rather be writing poems, i swear, but lately i blah blah blah.

p.s. the best before bedtime activity is reading harry potter with your significant other. you can even get it online. last night we left off at the part where harry drops his lantern in the restricted section of the library. i felt scared when m said "let's leave off here for tonight" and then remembered i wasn't inside the book and i had someone to curl up with after a long day of moving furniture.

j

Does anyone know

2011-04-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

does anyone know why my name comes up as jillian "Clarke" on google? is there any way i can change this

just something before work that i may or may not pick up later

2011-04-23T10:16:00.001-07:00

i'm going to build you a waterfowl impoundment with Michigan wildflowers. the wildflower (waterfowl) impoundment will expand to the outer colonies in June, where the future ghostwriter for pat garret lives and sleeps, sometimes in a desert, sometimes in an ice chest.

--as for the intuition of an ice chest, birds sometimes ask: why do middle-aged women decorate with empty birdcages? when i brush my cat, i tuck her fur into the holly leaves for birds to insulate their ice chests with.

i like bad music

2011-02-18T08:34:00.001-08:00

today i noticed a strawberry mark on my leg
before i even put my eyes on

productivity is like a type of apple that doesn't grow anymore
it's like Ryan coming from washington to carolina just to eat a washington apple

i want to make a sign that says POEMS ISN'T ABOUT HANDWRITING
now is not the time to be concerned
with how my future signature will sign

i love you this much
i wish we were in a hammock

i halfheartedly looked for you

2011-02-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

in the grocery store

i keep thinking i'll see you
choosing from ten thousand tomato sauces

i sometimes think about your angry mouth

i wanted you to know, i listened to the message you left
over the summer
at least three times before making my decision

do you remember when we cut tiny speech bubbles
for the people in the toile wall paper?

"do you want these apples?"
---"no"

I'm engaged!

2011-02-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

Officially the future Mrs. Jillian Ramey....!

today i'm nineteen

2011-01-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

WEIRD

Love letter to my mattress

2011-01-23T15:10:00.000-08:00

i want a heart of corn kernels
so I can write a love letter to my mattress

I'm gonna eat all the milk bones
cos the dog doesn't live here anymore
I'm gonna bring a kitten into this home, declawed

the remote controls don't work - I'll grow them!
my dad is not an astronaut - he sells cars!

who else is going to AWP?

2011-01-14T10:55:00.000-08:00

i will be attending AWP in washington, d.c. this february.

it's my first time going and i'm very excited. will anyone else be there?

i've been reading 'the letters of james schuyler to frank o'hara'
and 'frank o'hara; poet among painters'

both are very good. so much name dropping

jillian

good

2010-12-01T18:31:00.000-08:00

2010-11-29T17:10:00.001-08:00

i used to pull my hair out. the disorder is called trichotillomania and it is apparently related to tourette syndrome somehow. i pulled my hair out for six years and was able to stop with a combination of cognitive behavioral and talk therapy, learning how to see, and having my hair cut well by an attractive and wonderful man who i think i'll soon be married to.

i like 90's music

2010-11-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

i have a poem in abjective

also, i very much like camille claudel and other female artists vs. their counterparts, but i try to stay unbiased, unless it comes to diego and frida. i choose frida.

extreme makeover: blog edition (in fiery letters)

2010-09-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

the birthmark on my cheek is growing
to look more like a saddle; i spent a lot of money yesterday
but today is for poetry
(i've already seen that marlon brando movie
i was planning on watching today on TCM- it ends

in fire and a greenhouse
and two women, one resembling barbra streisand)

i thought i was lucky-
the bruise on my arm
it's yellow
and it's from shoe boxes
not from you grabbing my arm

i thought i was
lucky and that i had two TCM channels on my TV

but one was AMC
and i probably should have credited a mention
to Tennessee williams already in this poem

also: i like sally mann

the moral of the story is: don't get dehydrated and forget to eat when you're gonna be on stage

2010-09-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

today i remembered that i left one of my favorite poetry books, david berman's actual air, at The Pinhook where the band i'm in played our most recent show.

i would have remembered it, had i not felt sick immediately after hopping off the stage. i sat in an old recliner and watched my band members take all the equipment down, thinking, i should help them and then thinking, i don't feel so good. i walked up to my boyfriend and told him so, and then proceeded to throw up all over the front seat of his car, three times, dry heaving into a trashbag like linda blair in the exorcist.

so that's pretty gross.

also, are any readers majoring in creative writing? i'm looking at hollins university but "i don't know".

here's a poem i'll leave with

i was going to bathe today, instead, this:

i only wore a bra today
so my breasts wouldn't lose their voice
in all the 'please'

i'm here beside the shower
like it's a bed where i loved someone, sleeping.
i thought that "getting in" meant "turning the water on", and i was probably right.

when i got dressed today.
it was like at dinner,
when i pick at my risotto
and it looks guilty on its way back to the kitchen

live radio

2010-08-27T04:00:00.000-07:00

Hi erryone,

the band i'm in, Gods of Harvest, will be playing a live set today at 5:00 p.m. on WKNC 88.1 FM.

if you aren't in the raleigh/durham area, you can stream the radio live on WKNC's website: http://wknc.org/listen/

also i think the show will be podcasted

the small voice you hear will be me

thanks erryone

it's not hard to blog

2010-08-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

here i am, here i was in michigan with a horse that was a lot bigger than me and we had good hair together

i miss everyone all of a sudden

isn't that a sort of backwards ass explosions in the sky song title or album

here are some words i'm proud of:

"jena thought far". my cat's name is genevieve, but i call her jennifur, and so i thought "jena thought far".

also, lately when my boyfriend steps out for a smoke break, i say "i love you more than your lungs will" and he makes a certain face and will kiss me.

there aren't a lot of words i'm proud of lately, but it's something

if you're ben, alexander, karrisa, gena, jereme, daniel, etc, i'd like to hear from you-- and even if you aren't any of those people, sincerely, i'd like to hear from everyone.

jillian

formspring: http://www.formspring.me/poemtree

everyone, everyone

2010-06-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of poetry the way i'm tired of my cat hating me every time i come home. i want to start a poem about her like 'genevieve your mother slept in a barn', as in she was a barn-cat,

today: i read a book, the sheets smelled like christmas, i tried to beat the forest temple in legend of zelda/ocarina of time, boyfriend came home from work early but i was still asleep and then he left, i showered and washed my hands with organic citrus mint soap,

a strange buzzing noise just came from the front door, it was not the doorbell, i'm hoping the apartment is not on fire

i haven't been useless today! i sang into a microphone, i read a book, that's enough isn't it

all i've ever wanted was to be frank o'hara, and it's not that it's not working out, it's something else

music

2010-06-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

hi everyone,

i think i promised some music information.

the band i am in is gods of harvest. we are playing our first show on july 8.

"Soak beachside car driving pop in buckets of reverb and harmony, and you've got some bold new stuff out of Raleigh." -The Pinhook

my sideproject (i write all the words, my boyfriend is the musical genius, we both sing) is called gracious what lungpower

how is everyone and how is poetry?

j

i'm a blonde now

2010-06-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

here is something for anyone:

last night we slept
like our backs were having a staring contest
and i had a dream that came true: i left
the philosophy of andy warhol on the floor
of your red car
with the locks i still can't figure

when i sleep my spine asks
is there room in this posture for yearning?

it's hard to say how many times
i wished i was in this bed
and not because i don't know the exact number

"life update"

2010-04-30T08:40:00.001-07:00

one, i am slowly reappearing in the blogopshere

two, i am reappearing "shinier" and "with more sparkle"

three, tomorrow night is my senior prom, isn't that funny

four, i can't bring my own boyfriend to the prom

five, he doesn't like crowds anyway

six, i don't either

seven, i've been writing some songs and will have an 'EP' out at the end of may i think

i'm getting tired of numbers, that's how i always feel

how is everyone? really. really

three lines for m

2010-04-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

you sometimes smile low
you left the television on
for a dog that wasn't coming home

in any case,

2010-03-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

photos;
one, matt and i belonging in a j. crew catalog
two, my friends nameless little sister

things are happening
next week i will be in new york for a short period of time
i have been reading "take it" by joshua beckman, i'm enjoying the images
i am graduating in may
"what am i doing with my life"

lately i really enjoy taking the last word off of a popular phrase
too bad i can't think of an example in the first
see? 'place' is missing

ten fiftynine

2010-03-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

i am always the thought
of what you aren't wearing
what you've finished eating

to exist under your hands
is almost as good as being dust
in someone's 'xmas ornaments' box

but i never saw the blue
the lambs ear has been dying
for some time

my baby turned down the bed for me

2010-02-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

i remember you
when i bite eucalyptus leaves from the tree
walking toward a house of the same color
thinking about the palms of your feet
and the soles of your hands

i put you to sleep
in a memory of sitcom laughter

...

once i drove two hours
to wait for you in the sun
i wore a white skirt
and fell asleep on your stomach
you used me as an arm rest
something for books to sit on

when you came back from the hospital
you were a lot of things--
the absence of soap and water,
some calm disposition i feared
had been instilled in you too late

the road curled under me
in agreement

something for air

2010-02-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

i was thinking of a poem
while sleeping in the window room
the house painters were all looking through

all i could think
was "this would make a good story
if i wasn't bothered"

but i wasn't
and i'm still not

i turned eighteen today

2010-01-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

the receptionist at the psychiatric office said, "what a day to come to a place like this"

who wants to get married?

la fovea

2010-01-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

i have two new poems published in la fovea, which is an exciting project where poets choose poets. i was chosen by matthew savoca.

thanks, matthew

you can read the poems here

people say things

2009-12-30T18:42:00.000-08:00

i have this document on my computer called 'people say things'

here are some favorites:

Ian: I'm gonna miss the late nights, the musical battles, the complete terror in your eyes while listening to Sleepytime

And especially the shirtless escapades

Man

Those are near the top

fakeplasticlee (10:18:06 PM): FUCK nesey is the goddamn goddamn

Ben: i feel like a person in a shed at night listening to that song

Lee:

mean you do what?

you look at birds

birds look at you

repeat process

i don't know

Alexander says:
it reads like something the queen might say in her christmas speech if she were high.

Danica: no, and you are more beautiful every one second!

emit tneibam si ti

2009-12-29T14:26:00.000-08:00

i was on the phone last night trying to read that poem about NASA and ipods by tao lin and i could not stop laughing to save my life

it was a little embarrassing

here's a list of movies i've been meaning to see:

the hours
gummo
maltese falcon
science of sleep
mysterious skin
mean creek

anyway

i'm almost done with everything for cooper union, it feels a little sad sending everything away to them

i've met so many nice people lately. yesterday, many pizza guys on smoke breaks, a pack rat, and today a nice trucker

i made breakfast for a friend today. probably the most useful i've been to someone else in a really long time

207

2009-12-27T11:07:00.001-08:00

1017

2009-12-18T19:17:00.000-08:00

i am sitting in psychology class
feeling concerned about my fluid intelligence

i will live with my poems before i marry them
i have my own sink and the poems have their own sink,
i have my laundry basket and they have their black and milds

which is okay
i think i am crying in this picture, which is funny

drunk sonnet no. three wearing a lion sweater

2009-12-01T16:38:00.000-08:00

response poems or something

2009-11-29T04:50:00.000-08:00

reading three tragedies by lorca

the photographs alexander sent me from kenya are chasing their own folds + light leaks + i think of ways to justify vulnerability and hope that i can write something more about the kitchen floor sliding my waist out of your hands with a nervous smile when you stumble into the kitchen and say EVERYBODY GIVE ME YOUR KEYS + i still wake to a morning breathing hard and fast into me as if i needed life support + i still wake and see something is wrong or missing or both

---

if you write a poem and email it to me, i will write a response poem and email it to you,
unless my brain and/or hands aren't working at that time

i always feel the need to be a part of some project but i also leave too many things half-folded and unfinished

which seems to be a motif

worst case scenario survival card game

2009-11-24T16:07:00.001-08:00

i think i have poems that will appear in 'la fovea' soon, which is a very confusing and "neat" project where poets choose poets

thank you, matthew savoca, for choosing me

* * *

here are some things i am thinking about

alexander j. allison, letter-writing
sweaters, i'd like more sweaters
'the heart is deceitful above all things', which i finished reading
giraffes-- have i ever seen one in person
"i will need a new notebook soon"

will someone tell me a story now, thanks

it was monday and i accidentally harassed burger king employees

2009-11-17T14:57:00.000-08:00

on sunday i went to burger king to get the new cupcake milkshake
a voice said, "sorry, we're out of sprinkles"
i felt a little disappointed
and stared at my feet on the way home and then felt better

last night i went back with my mom
she asked for a cupcake milkshake
the voice said, "sorry, we're out of sprinkles" again
for some reason, i pretended to cry

"i know it's not your fault," i said into the speaker
i was about to laugh but it sounded like i was crying.
when i read poems aloud i sound like i'm going to cry. frank o'hara made me cry once. i am not afraid to admit it

"you didn't have sprinkles yesterday, either."
seconds later, the voice said "sorry ma'am, we just found some sprinkles."
i was not prepared for this. i thought we were going to drive away.
i hid under a black coat the rest of the way through the driveway and tried to look through a hole in the coat at the burger king employees and kept thinking, "my face is red,"

* * *

je t'aime john wayne

2009-11-15T05:56:00.001-08:00

has anyone seen 'breathless' by jean-luc godard?

watching this makes me want to wear stripes

5:45

2009-11-12T14:45:00.001-08:00

amy feels like a smoker today, like most days, although she's not

currently reading

2009-11-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

i will review both of these books later. i like that they are small. in fact i think they are the same size. i like carrying these books

here's something i wrote the other day in the library

to write this poem

i googled “what animal does Luke Skywalker cut open”

so I could write something about how when I sink my feet

into your couch cushions

i feel untouchable

like my toes will never return

I learned that the animal is called “Tauntaun”

but it wasn’t Luke that cut it open

it was Han Solo

and I only feel untouchable

when my memory isn’t failing

and when i’m not gasping

in the middle of the library

once I remember what the “Wampa” is

*if you don't feel like crying tonight, do not google 'wampa'*

new poems published in doubleshiny

2009-11-02T15:35:00.001-08:00

doubleshiny is an exciting new online journal

you can read four poems there by me

i'm tired
of things

i am a shy person

2009-11-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

an eighty year old woman dressed all in white
running frantically after her son (who was pushing
the groceries-- he yelled at her) hurry up, you're
going to miss the bus! i asked her if she wanted a ride

she only called me an angel and kept running

i do not work at chick fil a

2009-10-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

i went to see Why? last night

ha-ha

2009-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

i learned how to tie a tie today

meditations

2009-10-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

I.

i crossed a street
today, thinking "what
if i'm beautiful"

a red car went by &
someone yelled "grow some hair"

after an event like that
it's a comfort
to go home and exist
and read too many poems

II.

i can be honest
for two seconds
and feel like myself
for five

i wouldn't take you
in the way i wouldn't take mezcal
without the side effects

in your sickness i'm sure
there's something in the corners of intuition
these places i've learned finally
to sleep in

recovered

2009-10-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

here are some things i have learned:

+ physical poems are prudent to the human experience;
+ romantic love requires an equal or greater amount of understanding than what one must give away;
+ in order to reduce anxiety, one must not attempt to live in the present, but rather acknowledge the certainty of impossibility when living in the future;

+ physical poem: a moment in an act of art in which the illocutionary impulse to express meaning in words is overwhelmed by the purity of an epiphany.

does any of this make sense / does anybody know what i mean

i think i would like a zelda fitzgerald or frank o'hara tattoo

poems forthcoming in doubleshiny

peach tea

2009-09-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

amy (9:44:41 PM): the tv is screaming
amy (9:45:30 PM): first it was yelling about skirts at old navy and now it's yelling about depression and a woman just got licked in the face by a dog

if you do a youtube search for "jillian naked as we came", a lot of weird stuff will come up, but the first result should be me playing a song by iron & wine

it's getting colder and i'm only glad because it means i can wear the mail carrier's jacket

i feel like lorrie moore is writing me into a story or something
maybe not lorrie moore
i guess, yeah, lorrie moore

"i swear to god i will get the wildebeest prizes soon"

i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"

what thinking what"

2009-09-21T13:14:00.003-07:00

my heart has no surprises for me, i'm thinking, as amy opens the collected poems to a page that affirms the death of the summer in more than one way-- in more ways than one, i think, in the way i want to leave messages in library books that only i check out. i think thats the only sort of book i want to read-- anyhow, i'll only be awake a bit after ten tonight unless there is an affirmation of this temporary sinking being a purpose for more poems to be written. i am wishing myself a good night and sleep before the fact, maybe because i put an extra ice cube in my drink, maybe because i'm almost excited for tomorrow's bus ride, not at all similar to the way i want you badly to call me if only to say you're alive, not at all like my fifteenth birthday party (at the door) when someone whispered in my ear my own name near the sandalwood candle some january ago--- these things may be what i am feeling now but they could also be tomorrow and the next if i allow them to be so. the way i have almost allowed my handwriting to return to (the way i just saved myself from writing an obscenity). i have written more than i have eaten today and so i'm surprised and glad that my walk + your impossibility have not resulted in a panicked state-- reduce me to dashes, what thinking, what? i never pay attention to the syntax of things- think.

i might be a better person than i was yesterday

2009-09-19T08:29:00.001-07:00

i deleted my facebook, does this make me a better person
i was making a pros and cons list and then i thought "get rid of false notions"

"cons"
-keeping "in touch"

"pros"
-phone, email, and blogosphere still accessible
-avoid negative image of people i don't "really" know
-less time wasted
-maybe become "more" "outgoing" "in" "real" "life"

x

2009-08-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

even though my poems are all working at mcdonald's
i want to thank my great grandmother
i love the quilt she made me
because she didn't know she was making it for me
i want to thank my typewriter for teaching me to like my mistakes
i want to say, i'm sorry
i never told you "welcome back from your nervous breakdown"
it's the kind of thing i can't bring up again

poetry collection- please vote on a title

2009-08-20T13:09:00.001-07:00

hello

these are the working titles for the poems i am working on right now
i would appreciate it if you'd vote on one or the other

1. accidental sea birds

2. SHOWERING IS SAD (WHEN SOMEONE'S BEEN HOLDING YOU)

i'm not yet sure how to feel about the caps
i don't care much
but vote anyway

*news* i'm apologizing once again to the winners of the wildebeest contest. i have not been able to get prizes yet as i have been working on summer assignments all for once class *news*

(reading east of eden, taking ample notes, filling out a data sheet
reading reservation blues, taking ample notes, filling out a data sheet
writing an essay on reservation blues
writing a college essay
beginning an allusion glossary
reading the bible, et cetera)

i found out today

2009-08-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

i decided today that poetry is how you take off your clothes

do you know what i mean

edit: i think frank o'hara is a good example

his poems almost have an unreliable narrator effect at times because of the way he reveals information

the palms of your hands, the soles of your feet

2009-08-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

i remember walking up the street
predicting you would be home
or no, you wouldn't, you left for the pool without me

but backwards
the prediction backwards, that makes it a truth

FALLING STARS TO SMASH MOTHERFUCKERS IN THEIR FACE is now available as a limited edition chapbook of 12 poems

paypal $5 to csbassett@gmail.com

FALLING STARS TO SMASH MOTHERFUCKERS IN THEIR FACE online at bearcreekfeed

new postcards "for your viewing pleasure"

2009-08-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

these real photographs were used as postcards

i'm 90% sure that the second is haunted

i watched fur: an imaginary portrait of diane arbus and i liked it

falling stars to smash motherfuckers in their face comes out very soon on bear creek feed, there might be a "limited edition" print version

also, wildebeest contest winners, i am in the process of "figuring out" the prizes and i will send them soon

wildewinners

2009-08-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

first place goes to matthew savoca, for his three short poems

wildebeest 1

wildebeest can live up to 2.5 years in captivity

where they are allowed to reach old age

but in the wild, nature is cruel

their average life span is only 4 months

because of hawks, owls, foxes, etc.

a baby wildebeest will open its eyes

approximately 10-14 days after birth

wildebeest 2

do you know how many times you have to feed

a baby wildebeest every day?

this is not a conversation we have put through telephone wires

there isn't anywhere to walk here in the valley

unless you want to go up, or down, but then you have to go up

wildebeest 3

my notebook has a big green wildebeest on the cover

haha

he has one tooth, big round eyes, and seems to be blushing

there are buildings behind him

he's touching his mouth

and holding a cartoon japanese girl in his arms

it's really funny

second place goes to adam coates, for his wildebeest video:

third place goes to crispin best, for his poem

there is a wildebeest in our jacuzzi.

he looks cheesed off maybe.

we are looking at the wildebeest

from inside the kitchen.

i am wearing my underwear.

you are wearing your underwear.

i say “i feel a little constrained by this wildebeest”

and look at your stomach.

you say “shit”

in a swedish accent.

and it’s good because you are good at swedish accents

and i am kind of afraid of wildebeest.

i feel really proud of everyone, there were lots of good submissions
in fact i don't think there was one "bad" submission
thanks everyone

good job everyone, really

moderately pregnant moon

2009-07-24T13:20:00.001-07:00

i imagined today that you were the actor
in that movie
and that your open hands were a place
for birds to fly through & be caught
was it you who told me that
the passenger pigeon lived
in enormous flocks or was it wikipedia
or someone else
do you remember at all
that one time we never talk about
anymore but you used to mention
to make me shut up
what was the conservation status
of your face then
it won't cost us that much

will nesey gallons google 'nesey gallons'

2009-07-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to share a thing or two about the gig i went to last night

one song was called something like "i believe in no longer being a soul-sick puddle of vomit anymore"

and the lyrics from a song called "who" went something like "on the train i dreamt you were invisible and russia was a candy store, and no one was around to say 'wake up, i still love you'"

i'll go back later and correct these lyrics

nesey gallons could be a poet / nesey gallons is a poet

the fifteenth was crispin bests birthday

2009-07-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

i will type about crispin best for his birthday. i feel i am typing a "book report" from elementary school.

i think i have maybe talked to crispin best once or twice. i have read his pangur ban party series entitled "go ninja go ninja go". my favorite was "raphael". crispin best is a champion ice skater. he once saved a small child from being decapitated on the ice. crispin best has a project called "for every year" that started in 2008. this is a clever project that i might want to contribute to in the future. and this is what i am typing about crispin best for his birthday.

i received the pangur ban party chap book in the mail from dj berndt
it was nice to read
dj is a talented stapler

tomorrow night i'm going to see nesey gallons and some members of elephant six collective

wildebeest art and writing contest

2009-07-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

the wildebeest is my favorite animal
it is maybe the only animal in the lion king that doesn't communicate
it uses swarm intelligence to navigate the river
DJ Berndt has called the wildebeest "wildly misrepresented"

WILDEBEEST ART CONTEST

submit your art and writing for the wildebeest art contest, judged by myself and DJ Berndt

here are some examples:

"no friends wildebeest" by DJ Berndt

"self portrait with bird ass wildebeest" by me

you can also submit poems and stories concerning wildebeest (which is the plural for wildebeest)

the deadline is August 1

***new and exciting information concerning prizes**

DJ is using a kitten to select books to mail to the winner. i think he is also sending cash. i will be creating "customized" bookmarks and exciting "mystery prizes".

email your submissions to joyfuljillian@gmail.com

thanks

pigments

2009-07-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

this poem is far too easy to write
my eyes are muddled
i am just describing my surroundings
i keep interrupting my poems with poetry
it's probably still wrong that i want you to love me
a policeman was wearing sunglasses in my house
will you like me better if i use my typewriter more often?
i'd like to know if you'd mind me in red lipstick
i don't know if i'm an aubergine wine red
or more of a cool scarlet-blue red
i need someone to tell me badly
the perfume i'm wearing is called "lovely"

ben brooks hijacked my interview

2009-07-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

me:
hi ben
i would like to ask you some questions

ben:
hi jillian
i would like to answer some questions

me:
okay, let’s begin

ben:
"dive in"

me:
what is FENCES?

ben:
FENCES is a book i have written. it is a little bit like a poem. someone said it was like "concrete poetry" but i think "concrete poetry" is a bit lame so i wouldnt agree. it has a plot.

me:
if FENCES was a movie, what would be the opening music?

ben:
the opening music would be yann tiersen songs stolen from Amelie or Lump Sum by Bon Iver

me:
i am listening to lump sum, but i can’t tell what it is about. i think i just heard something about ‘inertia’. what did you eat for breakfast this morning?

ben:
i think the song is about changing and getting over things.
i did not eat breakfast this morning. i had 2 cups of tea with 4 sugars in each.

me:
i don’t think that’s very healthy. what is your typical way of dealing with conflict? give me an example.

ben:
if a conflict arises i will maybe "withdraw" or "deny" for example if you punched me i would run away or look at you as if you hadnt punched me.

me:
tell me about a time when you were forced to make an unpopular decision.

ben:
are you trying to trip me up? do you think i am a bad person "at the core"?

me:
i’m sorry. i don’t know anything about that. i am just asking questions.
do you think i copied and pasted the last two questions from a site about interviews?

ben:
34% chance maybe
did you?

me:
maybe. who is a writer in the blogosphere that you 'admire' and why do you like them?

ben:
i "admire" noah cicero. he is bitter and funny and the youtube videos of him singing drunk are nice. i like his "lessons on capitalism" series. i like noah too because he taught me more about american politics than "Politics" lessons at school. i like that he stays in youngstown even though he is "making ground" as a writer and should probably be in New York playing games with taotao.

me:
are you going to get a lot of girls after you publish FENCES?

ben:
yes. girls from all over. girls all over me. touching my body. mmmm.

me:
books don’t do that to people i don’t think

ben:
uhhh
idk

me:
are you sick of answering questions?

ben:
are you sick of asking questions?

me:
yes

ben:
should i take over?

me:
okay sure
“take the wheel”

ben:
thanks
tell me about your book Jillian

me:
i wrote it a little over a year ago, it’s about movement i think

ben:
do you enjoy movement?

me:
it depends, i don’t know.
i just thought, “my interview was hijacked and i am ok with that”

ben:
if me and a faceless friend did jump rope for you, would you like that?
sorry
i am a bandit

me:
if the faceless friend isn’t too scary, then ok, i wouldn’t mind that

ben:
shes nice
you would like her
do you like boat rides?

me:
i like small boats. i like canoes and kayaks

ben:
what did you think of the titanic "disaster"?

me:
it happened on my friends birthday
i think it’s sad, it makes me think of frozen babies

ben:
"agreed" frozen babies are bad
thanks for this Lillian, its been nice
will you marry me?

me:
okay

an ineffable play for voices

i interviewed my mother

2009-07-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Pamela: yayayyyyy hi jillee bean. what are you doing?

me: i'm writing poems
can i interview you

Sent at 11:48 AM on Monday

Pamela: yes

me: okay, good

Pamela: for what?

me: "don't worry about it"
what poem of mine is your favorite?

Pamela: can i look at your poetry book tonight. I don't remember for sure. it has been a while since I have looked at them.

me: okay i guess that is ok

Pamela: I know I like the one where you talk about the duck in the thai restaurant but i dont think thats my fave.

me: that one is about you also

Pamela: let me look tonight and you can interview me then.

me: did it make you feel embarrassed?
no i have to do it now

Pamela: no

me: how badly do you want me to empty the dishwasher today

Pamela: badly
ill kick yer ass if you dont
will you go put the hamburger sitting on the sink in the fridge for me RIGHT AWAY if dad forgot....

me: gross
okay bye

poem in a bath

2009-07-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

big important post

2009-06-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

i slept for about nine hours, meaning i went to bed sometime around twelve and then attempted to sleep off and on for nine hours

"agony"

i woke up and had emails waiting for me which, mathematically, means that my day will be .26% better in general, and better than someone who does not wake up to new emails from people

i talked to ben brooks about "culture" and "groceries"

i don't know what's going to be so important about this post but i'll think of something quickly

i applied for a job at a cafe
if i get the job, i might be a barista
i will be serving gelato and things to people
and making recommendations and sampling products
according to wikipedia, "gelato generally has less than 55% air, resulting in a denser product."

i am really "excited" to "work" with this "denser product"

"i" "feel" "more" "safe" "when" "i" "type" "everything" "like" "this"

when i heard that billy mays died, i felt very upset because i thought he was the person who sold the self-fluffing pillow and said "i believe in this pillow with my heart and soul", but it was actually another man, tony little. i still feel sad about billy mays, but less-sad, understandably

i have not been able to make a poem out of "i believe in this pillow with my heart and soul" but i will soon

i will not end this post in a poem

**important section of the big important post**

are tao lin interns allowed to have interns? as intern #11, i hope i am allowed to have an intern of my own

i might hold "auditions" for having an intern

this job entails reading to me, informing me of new releases around the "blogosphere", encouraging me to write new poems, and advertising my writing in ways that are "meek" or "demure". actually i'm not sure if i want to be advertised. i don't know. an internship is not a paid position but i might occasionally write a poem for an intern.

should i make an application? what should i do?

**important seciton of the big important post**

**okay**

2009-06-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

these are some hands that i drew

i like the song 'wake up' by the arcade fire

here's a list of some elephants in the room

-vulnerability
-my grandmother's books
-why is my cat acting like that
-new glasses
-dance class ?
-do i like dancing ?

i think i'm going to type a very long post now.

these are the lyrics to a song by Why? that i like very much called 'yo yo bye bye'

i was walking through San Antonio before sound check
i was looking for some pole to do pull-ups on
i'd like to talk much longer
but i'm on somebody else's cell phone's time
why we still sleep if Carolina was our
wake up call, our almost done
i'll tell it to you like i got it in my mind

i'm fucking cold like a DQ blizzard
you act like a slut but you're really a freezer
we love and hate like the tattooed fist
and all these songs are sung on road trips

one night when I was walking home from your house
i kept smelling some sort of blown out candles
and the monterrey birches were bare
raising their skinny arms to the stars in surrender
we have to change if we're going to stay together

'cause i say rain when it's only a drizzle
you get stoned like death in the bible
"she ain't gonna call 2" didn't make my list
but all the rest we sing on
and all the rest we sing on
and all these songs are song on road trips

let me describe the current conditions

the perfume i am wearing is called 'lovely'
i am listening to 'the zombies'
spending money on food is 'really stupid' because i always have food at home
i don't want to spend money on food anymore
when will the collected poems of frank o'hara come in the mail
i am going to see akron/family in august with my brother
when will i write a decent letter to alexander

there is a new poem at mass elk suicide

i'm tired of typing
i'm going to go read 'i am rainbow'

if you want to look like a dragon

2009-06-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

email me and i might write a poem for you

or email me a poem and i might write a poem response

or ask me a question and i might write a poem that contains the answer

* * *

i'm sorry if i'm boring

i started a new painting a few days ago

it's a portrait of fritz scholder as a young boy, wearing ray ban eyeglasses

i was listening to the seven hours worth of neutral milk hotel on my computer while painting it

i used white, black, burnt sienna, sienna, pale pink, and dark brown to paint the face

are you jealous that i have seven hours worth of neutral milk hotel

or does it just make me an indie assface

i don't really know

joyfuljillian@gmail.com

irrigation

2009-06-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

my drink is warm
this pillow is too thin
my stomach knew how i'd feel this morning
at 5:10 a.m.

what are you even doing
anywhere else
and does anyone else even care

don't tell me the answer
i couldn't even wake up
to write this poem

read some words chapbook

2009-06-18T17:27:00.001-07:00

http://www.readsomewords.com/

my name is jillian and i approve this chapbook, i think, maybe, i'm pretty sure

smeop wen

2009-06-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

my computer is typing everything backwards. i don't know what to do. i should restart my computer but i feel nervous. anyway, i have new poems published at 'read some words'. please go read them .tnaw uoy fi meht daer nacx uoy ,naem i

day 198

2009-06-12T08:02:00.001-07:00

the most painful state of being is remembering the future - particularly one you can never have.
--kierkegaard

mass elk suicide

2009-06-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

memory #12 is now posted at mass elk suicide

i want to read 'save me the waltz'

email me interesting things

2009-06-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

i am adding a new 'element' to fondly, sincerely

you can submit interesting AIM/gmail chat/MSN conversations or even just one thing someone has said to you, in context, without being "too lengthy"

unless you can keep me entertained with an entire conversation

i think this will make my summer feel more productive

so email me your conversations & interesting things

*complaint*

i have a lot of things sitting around in a word document and i feel like i want to organize these things and make them into poems but it's hard to write poems these days and i feel like i'm wasting paper in my new notebook

*end of complaint*

i'm trying to write a new poetry series, it's going to be called ACCIDENTAL SEA BIRDS

and it will contain some of the following themes and things:

sad animals, dying animals, paralyzed animals, feelings of boredom, awkward transitions, "displacement", animals trapped in garages, & the way showering is kind of sad when someone's been holding you

j.

new

2009-06-03T17:49:00.001-07:00

there is a new post at fondly, sincerely by kerri

i had a dream a few nights ago that i got a tattoo of the T.J. Eckleberg eyes from the great gatsby
i went to school and said, "look, everyone. look at my new and exciting literary tattoo." and no one was impressed

i really liked gatsby and i felt sad for him
i cried a few times while reading
maybe that means something is wrong

i liked prathna lor's bear creek feed poetry series, 'safe toilet syndrome'

maybe over the summer i will start some new project, traveling journal or something. i don't know

something

i've just realized

2009-05-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

here's a poem concerning the fact that it's been a year since the publication of 'if i am in a room full of people, i am not having any fun' --thank you to everyone who has read it and everyone who hasn't

this poem is directed at a lot of different people, they always are, i guess

which poem did me in

through attending school i have not learned much about myself
except that poetry is hard

i feel something happening to my hippocampus
and i don't know how i felt before
or if i ever wrote poems

i can feel something happening
and it means i can only communicate
through blinking i can only write poems
through not knowing if i can write poems

will i send miranda july my book today
it will have been a year

will you cut my hair very short this time
my doctor said something to support my belief
that passion and talent don't always coincide
and it makes me believe the world is shit

and if you wanted me to shave my head
i would
and i would be grinning

and if you ever invited me over
i might tell you something's
happening to my hippocampus

and you'll say, "oh, i remember that
but i don't"

this is my face

2009-05-29T14:00:00.001-07:00

blended with winona ryder's face
there isn't much of a difference but i think my eyes are bigger

and how it is

2009-05-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

there is one fly for every calculator button
there's no more math in this poem
as it doesn't belong here
or anywhere

this clock isn't going away
i peeled elmers glue off of my ankles this morning
and remembered how i used to stick my hand out the bus window

and how it is to let rain in the car
and how it isn't

...

today my school had a poetry reading for the 'literary magazine', i read a poem from my book called 'o'hara poem', but i changed it to 'ypsilanti poem'

someone said i didn't look nervous at all

i don't know what i'm saying most of the time

tomorrow i am doing an english presentation about sylvia plath and frida kahlo, comparing 'what the water gave me' to 'the bell jar'

i don't care about school much but i can't stop talking about it, these days i constantly feel i'm forgetting something and i can't wait to have a nervous breakdown and buy a singing saw and a holga camera and get a job and sleep a lot and write poems about "your impossibility" and "please close the door please"

i can't wait for poems

aren't you taking me out on a date soon

2009-05-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

i'm drinking vitamin water and watching your face
are you trying too hard to be clever
did you know our bodies are a joke

i went walking the other night after you said things to me
i left the house after you implied some things about my character
there's always a shadow in front of my body
the shadow looks like it's filled

with squares? and what do i call these shapes
curves maybe, i don't know
i'd like to stay in this poem for awhile
until you have to leave
in the middle of a movie in the middle of a conversation
i told you i'm not fit for this sort of thing

and what does it mean again
i kept walking and i had two shadows walking beside each other
and i didn't feel lonely
and i didn't feel good

a page

2009-05-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

have you ever smashed a windshield with a sledgehammer. have you wished the guitar string trenches would stay tucked into your fingertips. have you ever wondered about the word 'sledge' (your hand is over mine (we are not the rocks in our shoes

* * *

i keep thinking, "i can't"
i keep wishing i could turn those words into a poem

also, yesterday i tried le whif and enjoyed it

i'm drowing in the end of the year

2009-05-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

to be seventeen is to be torn notebook paper

i will never answer the question "what are you doing with your life"

i am not taking a math course next year
instead i am taking the "career pathway" which means i can still go to college or art school
i can't do math anymore

i wrote in every page of my old moleskine notebook that i won from the heel press
it had my name printed on the front, "JILLIAN"

i bought a new moleskine on tuesday
at barnes and noble the cashier said, "are you a regular moleskine user"
and i said, "this is my second one, i have never paid for one before"
i hope he didn't think i stole the first moleskine
i actually won it
i don't win many things
apparently white people really like moleskine notebooks

here are some other things i'm doing:
i am working on two paintings
one is a self portrait but not really
it's me without hair or eyes but not really
one is a painting of beautiful people floating up over the street

will i sell these paintings
i don't know

i have been playing guitar a lot lately, there are guitar-string trenches tucked into my fingertips

answer this question if you have a moleskine: what do you keep in the pocket

this poem is science

2009-05-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

rabbits are probably the nicest animals in the world
i just want them to move their noses at me
there is no spinach in my teeth
why is this sadness happening

you left a voice mail and said "where are you"
and "why is this sadness happening"

what is so hard about existing
it implies that you need to try
i am tired of your invisibility and your euphemisms
my body is tired of chasing you off of the edge of the planet
how it feels when swimming at night

i used to try so hard to bank my breath
i thought all the trees were polluting me

most days

2009-05-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

i feel like this is the only "accurate" picture of myself that exists
when i'm old i'll destroy all the other pictures of me
'cos they're mine
fritz scholder did that with his paintings
this is a common scene

what

2009-05-13T09:34:00.001-07:00

what if i said "just kidding i won't write about any of you"

i took an exam today and my brain and hands hurt a little

i don't want this day to go by too quickly

leah
how much time do you spend on ebay
i am worried about your face
everytime i use chapstick i think of your face

sara
you have probably had some pets die in your life
maybe you have had a cat die
i am saying this because my cat is sitting next to me and purring
and i was thinking i don't want her to die
i feel like a psychic more than a poet at times

1979
sometimes you smoke cigarettes
and sometimes you sleep in a bed of pudding just for fun

ryan manning
i think you are a photographer
i thought about you yesterday and i thought "his name sounds like the name of a football player"
i say "sports what's that"
i don't really care about football
so don't talk to me about football or sports or your name
but you can talk to me about other things

lilbent
isn't that funny
i guess the line was just in my head and it had to come out

little big man

2009-05-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

i like to stare at my therapist until i start laughing
i always want to tell her "i wanted to see how long i could make it"
but saying that aloud is somehow worse than laughing

she actually looks at my face eyes
i accidentally wore all white today and i had a bracelet with saints on it and i felt like zelda fitzgerald or that woman from the lorrie moore story and it was an accident and i wondered if she noticed

i'm not ashamed
what does it mean to be conditioned to be ashamed
i don't really know much of anything
do you think i'm brave

i think your face looks like you forgot something
or you're missing something or both of these things
and sometimes you smoke cigarettes
and sometimes you sleep on the floor just for fun
and sometimes you say nice things to me

this wasn't going to be a poem but that's where it's headed
every poem i write ends with "what does that mean for me" lately
and do i even have to say it
i'll try something new, now

let me know if you wish this poem was about you and i'll write a poem about you

these things are breaking me (from notebook)

2009-05-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

my body is tired

your impossibility

you flipping pages of my grandmother's book

you gave me your horse blanket

savage

we are a response to the ugliness of cities

he gave me a look like "you know i'm colin firth" and i gave him a look like "i know you're colin firth"

the devil and daniel johnston

2009-05-02T07:27:00.001-07:00

i just finished watching the documentary, 'the devil and daniel johnston'. he reminded me of zelda fitzgerald in some ways -- the religious mania and wearing all white, also zelda suffered from severe untreated bipolar disorder, and daniel is bipolar.

i'd like to listen to more of his music
thanks jereme

the moon is essentially gray

2009-04-29T14:01:00.001-07:00

has just been released at pangur ban party

read it and then read everything else on the site

okay

thanks

post 157

2009-04-26T15:16:00.001-07:00

i have walked out of this document but i am returning because my inkpen stopped working
here is my situation
it is raining there
is a cat under my arm

i've tried not
to think about you but i'm
kidding i haven't
tried not to

i think a breakfast might
be waiting for me
in the other room what
will i do

april 18

2009-04-18T08:54:00.001-07:00

april 18 is a 'terrible-horrible-day'

it is also my favorite poem by sylvia plath

but mostly it's a 'terrible-horrible-day'

virginia woolf and i were both born on january 25 and then she filled her pockets with stones and her body was discovered april 18

where does that leave me

two three two three

2009-04-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to write
this poem and place this
poem square between
us instead of calling you
i was in love on this day
but nothing ever

i've got no taste for history,
she said, all those treaties
all those sour and self
righteous people. and a
dog could do arithmatic-
don't get me started on
arithmatic. what's the purpose
of a poem if you ring it
dry? a poem is better
left in the sink, not all hung
up from a poplar tree
a poem and a present are better
left unopened

also

2009-03-31T16:05:00.000-07:00

i am soon to be in:

admit two (with nathan logan)

bear creek feed poetry series ('falling stars to smash motherfuckers in their face')

the other day my boyfriend asked what some qualities i look for in music are. i said "so real" and i hold this to be true.

i think Why? is so real, i think my morning jacket and midtown dickens are so real, i think neutral milk hotel is "so real".

not everything can be a poem, i guess

poem retrieved

2009-03-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

constructed this one today after going through all of frank o'hara's poems retrieved and highlighting my favorite lines

the result:

i want you lost in
the bed of the world
don't i deserve you

personification leaves me only
bruises from your nudging
i will contain you
it's dirtied

all that failed to find me
removes itself

i am entirely gone