peach tea

amy (9:44:41 PM): the tv is screaming
amy (9:45:30 PM): first it was yelling about skirts at old navy and now it's yelling about depression and a woman just got licked in the face by a dog


if you do a youtube search for "jillian naked as we came", a lot of weird stuff will come up, but the first result should be me playing a song by iron & wine

it's getting colder and i'm only glad because it means i can wear the mail carrier's jacket

i feel like lorrie moore is writing me into a story or something
maybe not lorrie moore
i guess, yeah, lorrie moore

"i swear to god i will get the wildebeest prizes soon"

i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"
i will never ask "are you okay?"

what thinking what"

my heart has no surprises for me, i'm thinking, as amy opens the collected poems to a page that affirms the death of the summer in more than one way-- in more ways than one, i think, in the way i want to leave messages in library books that only i check out. i think thats the only sort of book i want to read-- anyhow, i'll only be awake a bit after ten tonight unless there is an affirmation of this temporary sinking being a purpose for more poems to be written. i am wishing myself a good night and sleep before the fact, maybe because i put an extra ice cube in my drink, maybe because i'm almost excited for tomorrow's bus ride, not at all similar to the way i want you badly to call me if only to say you're alive, not at all like my fifteenth birthday party (at the door) when someone whispered in my ear my own name near the sandalwood candle some january ago--- these things may be what i am feeling now but they could also be tomorrow and the next if i allow them to be so. the way i have almost allowed my handwriting to return to (the way i just saved myself from writing an obscenity). i have written more than i have eaten today and so i'm surprised and glad that my walk + your impossibility have not resulted in a panicked state-- reduce me to dashes, what thinking, what? i never pay attention to the syntax of things- think.

i might be a better person than i was yesterday

i deleted my facebook, does this make me a better person
i was making a pros and cons list and then i thought "get rid of false notions"

"cons"
-keeping "in touch"

"pros"
-phone, email, and blogosphere still accessible
-avoid negative image of people i don't "really" know
-less time wasted
-maybe become "more" "outgoing" "in" "real" "life"