being seventeen isn't any different

i have a poetry series coming soon on bear creek feed
it is called "falling stars to smash motherfuckers in the face"

i have been writing 'desperately' but i am trying to 'manage' a lot of other things right now
i have to learn all of my lines for act three in blood wedding by tomorrow

acting brings me to a strange and sad place and it is hard to get in and out of that place daily
i'm still alive

i wish that i wrote more at night when i can't sleep
instead i just lay there and wish i was sleeping

i'm seventeen today

let's choke on all the poems

a death mask of itself

living is cold and technical without you, a death mask of itself.
at seven o'clock i had a bath but you were not in the next room to make it a baptisme of all i was thinking.
at eight o'clock i went to gymnastics but you were not there to turn moving into a harvesting of breezes.
at nine o'clock i went to the tissage and an old man in a white smock chanted incantations but you were not there to make his imploring voice seem religious.
at noon i played bridge and watched dr. forels profile dissecting the sky, contre jour-
all afternoon i've been writing soggy words in the rain and feeling dank inside, and thinking of you - when a person crosses your high forehead and slides down into the pleasant valleys about your dear mouth its like Hannibal crossing the Alps - i love you, dear. you do not walk like a person plowing a storm but like a person very surprised at their means of locomotion, hardly touching the earth, as if each step were experimental ---
and you are a darling and it must be awful to have a person always trying to creep inside you the way i do -


---zelda fitzgerald


i drew this after watching 'the invasion' starring nicole kidman.


i don't know why i posted this, i guess i am trying to be productive
i don't feel productive

i will make this post productive

i want to collect tintype daguerreotype photographs and make something out of them
all of the people in the photographs will be ghosts

has anyone seen that movie gran torino? it's prime vintage eastwood
i want to see it very badly

i think i might sell some things on ebay
i think i might fail my spanish, math, and advanced placement united states history exams
i have never typed 'advanced placement united states history' out before, and now i have twice

i shouldn't have taken that class
will someone buy all of the rejected toys and give them a home, please

i might go read for awhile
here is a question for everyone; how are writers different from other people?

update
also here is a new post on 'THERE ARE NO ITEMS THAT REQUIRE ATTENTION'

i read 'clothes for a summer hotel' today
it is a play about scott and zelda fitzgerald by tennessee williams
i really enjoyed it, if you like f. scott and zelda i think you would like it
it made me want to look out of the window all day and now i feel like writing something