new art

here are some new drawings i've been working on. thank you ben from epson scan for helping me troubleshoot for twenty minutes over the phone. the most fun so far is the drawing ink.



winsor and newton ink on paper, sourced from a pictorial archive of men



self portrait



matt



light study, graphite on paper



self portrait as a silent movie star in a wig

snails

where did you put the rock
we took from the grove park inn
you were disgusted with the snails
and things that had attached to it
you put it in the trunk of the car
for the way home in the dark
where they belonged

now i want to put it in my garden
next to the antlers sticking up out of the ground
but i'm not sure where it is
and i feel a sad wanting for you today
just because i know there was a day in the past
where i didn't think you would ever see me
and boy was i wrong

i just want to find that mountain rock
so i can throw it at my past self
and say "it's okay, keep writing your sad poems, love will realize you"
and then put it in my garden
and go inside
and listen to you talk about the things you care about

my birthday is in five days

today was the kind of day where i felt motivated but not creative. that is not an easy or fun day. i tried doing various creative things today and wasn't happy with them, so i resorted to eating almonds and reading raymond carver stories with a lavender scented bean bag for a pillow, which made me feel a little better.

does reading raymond carver make me a hipster? wrong. it's the lavender scented pillow or the fact that i even mentioned it. or it could be the almonds.

when someone you love is having a bad day you can't help but feel a little bad too.

still sitting on my ass waiting for poems to happen.

jillian

send me your chapbooks

i'm in the process of putting together a poetry workshop for residents of a local homeless shelter and members of its prayer service

you can help in a few ways:

1. send me your chapbook as an example to my students (email joyfuljillian@gmail.com for details)

2. give me any advice on chapbook-making or poetry-teaching

thanks erryone

edit / i talk about trichotillomania + amino acids

stealing trees

this picture is funny to me because it's my silhouette, when i was sixteen and had pulled all my bangs out but no one said anything about it, and in the background you see that little tree? those are glass collectable trees, and every year my mom and nana steal them from each other, like a little game, only this year my mom got mad because nana took two and didn't bring them back

the neutral milk hotel box set is a good thing right now
i sat in the sitting room, at the coat rack that has a mirror attached
and i drew a picture of a tired face
i didn't feel like shading in my hair so i left it white because i'd rather be blonde anyway

i haven't pulled out any of my hair today, so far. drawing helps.

lately i haven't been writing
well, that's not true, i have a new quill pen and calligraphy set
and i'm practicing my cursive and my letters and writing names
but i haven't been writing poems

i do have a short story i've been working on, off and on, about various homeless people i met last year, but it's hard to write something so chock-full of interesting people and the interesting things they say. i might need to water it down somehow. otherwise, it reads like this:

THIS HOMELESS WOMAN WEARING A TURQUOISE NECKLACE WAS DOING SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING, MAYBE ASKING ME TO FIND HER SOME SIZE 2 HIGH WAIST LEVI JEANS OR A NEW PAIR OF MOCCASINS, AND THEN SHE DID THIS OTHER WEIRD INTERESTING THING, LIKE EATING A GLASS SANDWICH

AND THEN ANOTHER AND ANOTHER AND REALLY YOU FORGET BY THE END THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A HOMELESS WOMAN AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

it just kind of loses meaning i guess, so i don't know where to go with it

in all seriousness,
please extend your thoughts to my extended family today. my cousin was hit by a train while in her car. she has three young children and they need her to be well. we all do

update/ i started a fashion blog where i bitch about trends i hate, the importance of styling, staying classy, etc.

sometimes in life, you learn dragon words
or, in this case, breathe ice
then you clear out the whole dungeon
and go home to your recliner

fine -- what
will do
that it?

sometimes in life you have a large piece of furniture in the middle of the den
like a kitchen table
that doesn't initially serve a purpose
but over time can make a good home for beer bottles and half eaten sugar free cake slices

and as long as the chairs aren't in the way, you're happy with having them around

on a serious note,
i have this problem lately where i have a hard time writing anything but my name
or rather i don't care to write anything except my name, over and over, in cursive
sometimes i'll write 'genevieve' over and over
sometimes 'rose wallace goldaline'
i have wasted lots of paper doing this
but it makes me feel good

when did my blog decide it hates poetry

let's do some poetry! let's oh my god i'm going into a crypt! let's what are you typing about? let's boo, what are you doing baby? let's sweetheart, why don't you just tell me? let's jillian clark! stop ignoring me!

matthew's about to go into a crypt
and i don't feel scared for him

my friend emma wrote a poem that compared growing a rose to a nose bleed
and i felt great in a crushed way when i read that

today i finished reading "sometimes madness is wisdom"
i don't know why i took so long to read it
i've read their letters over five times through
i hadn't realized that zelda had only been committed to highland hospital for four months when the fire broke out
that made me feel sad but also like maybe it was meant to be that way

matt makes this face when he's playing video games
it doesn't matter what kind of face

today i ate two wholegrain waffles, three mozzarella cheese sticks, four clementines, a salad, corn, a roll, boyscouts caramel corn, and three pieces of cake

i am a horrible vegetarian
twelve years strong

should i type until i feel like i made something worthwhile
no, i might as well stop